This morning I opened my email and found 3 separate articles about loneliness. Two discussed the negative impacts of being alone while the third, written by Karun Pal, talked about The Power of Doing Nothing. But in a world that is spinning out of control this fact is often misunderstood.
Mental Health Crisis
It seems like every day I’m reminded of the mental health crisis that is destroying people’s lives. I know that loneliness can contribute to mental health problems but are we confusing loneliness and the desire or need to be alone?
What is Healthy Solitude?
In a 2023 blog post I wrote that “healthy solitude is good for everyone, especially introverts.”
In that post I described the difference between loneliness and solitude. “Too much time alone can be bad for your health on the other hand not enough time alone isn’t good either.”
Leadership expert Ray Williams has this to say about solitude and loneliness,
“We’ve been wired to believe that solitude is our enemy. We’ve also confused “being alone” with “being lonely”. They are not necessarily the same thing. Being alone doesn’t cause loneliness and many people can feel lonely despite being the constant presence of other people. The truth is solitude is necessary for our well-being and potential success.”
In 2025 loneliness has become a dirty word to be avoided at all costs. Children are rarely alone and when they are they are encouraged to watch movies or play games on their mobile phones. This often leads to other mental health issues such as anxiety.
What is loneliness?
I like the definition of loneliness posted on www.verywellmind.com :
“While common definitions of loneliness describe it as a state of solitude or being alone, loneliness is actually a state of mind. Loneliness causes people to feel empty, alone and unwanted. People who are lonely often crave human contact.”
In 2018 in the UK loneliness was such a problem that the gov’t appointed a minister for loneliness. At that time, research studies argued that loneliness was a “silent killer” because it increased inflammation, heart disease, and dementia. Today we know that loneliness can also contribute to serious mental health problems such as depression and anxiety.
Finding ways to combat loneliness is still a priority in the UK as it is in many countries around the world. Reengage is one example.
What has this got to do with introverts?
As an introvert I will tell you that I like being alone and that I’m seldom lonely. I do have a large community of family and friends who I can reach out to if I want companionship. Mostly I enjoy being on my own.
Would I feel the same way if I didn’t have people I could text, phone, email or meet up with? Maybe, maybe not.
Perhaps I’m a “social introvert”. In March I was on an author panel at the Surrey Public Library. For the first time in my life I enjoyed being at the front of the room talking with the other panelists and people in the audience. This was not the case when I was younger. As I’ve aged I’ve become more confident. I’ve also learned that I need to find a balance between the time I spend with other people and the time I spend alone.
This is called wisdom.
Perhaps the real reason so many of us feel anxious and unfocused is that we don’t know how to be alone. If you find yourself feeling tired, irritable, or anxious it may be time to pause and do something on your own: going for a walk, cooking a meal, listening to music, gardening, or just sitting quietly outside ….with your mobile phone turned off.
And if you are feeling the need for connection psychologist Josie Santi suggests something called “micro moments of connection”. Say hi to people on your walk to the coffee shop, ask the barista how her day is going, engage with someone in line at the grocery store.
I do this all the time. Sometimes it works and sometimes people ignore me. Last week I walked by a man who had just pulled the tab on a can of beer. As I walked past I smiled and said “that’s a happy sound”. He looked at me and smiled too. Most of the cashiers in the grocery store I frequent like to engage but the other day the fellow who was helping me looked like he would rather be anywhere else. When I put my groceries on the belt I thought “should I ignore him or should I say hi?” I chose the latter but he didn’t respond. Not everyone wants to engage so don’t make it about you.
Teaching People How to Be Alone
Loneliness can certainly lead to mental health problems but not everyone wants or needs to be connected all the time. As Karun Pal says “there is power in doing nothing”. Perhaps the answer lies in teaching people about the benefits of solitude and how to be comfortable being alone.
