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Are Introverts Less Confident Than Extroverts?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on February 17, 2018Posted in IntrovertsTagged Brian Roet, Career Development, Confidence, Extroverts, Google, Introverts, Leadership, Personality Types, Rebecca Perkins, Self-awareness, The Dynamic Introvert

Are Introverts Less Confident Than Extroverts? When does perception become reality and what has this got to do with introverts and extroverts? I believe that the general perception of introverts is that they aren’t as confident as extroverts and this unfortunately gets in the way of their success in life. Introverts are often slow to respond when asked a question. It takes them a while to speak up in classrooms or team meetings and they often seem uncomfortable at parties. Because of this perceived lack of confidence introverts may miss out on important job opportunities. And when compared to extroverts, introverts often appear less self-assured causing human resources leaders to ask themselves, “Why are they hesitating?” or “Do they really know what they are talking about?” Being confident can open doors and make life more interesting and fun. But what is confidence? Google defines it as “the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something” Or, “a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities”. We know it when we see it, or at least we think we do. Some quiet introverts may be very confident but are comfortable spending time thinking before they answer questions. And some extroverts may use their extroversion as a way of hiding the fact that they are less confident. Nothing is what it appears! And of course all personality types can lack confidence. It’s just sometimes I think that when it comes to introverts our behavior is seen in a negative light. Over the years I have also wondered whether or not my lack of confidence was due to the fact that I spent too much time thinking about things and not enough time taking action. Taking action leads to increased self-assurance. Too much time thinking (worrying?) has the opposite effect and doesn’t go unnoticed. “I’m an extrovert and those I live with are introverts. I’ve come to learn that they have a different sort of confidence to my own, one that comes from inner strength that can be developed no matter how difficult it may seem at first.” Rebecca Perkins How can we become more confident? There are no easy answers but the following suggestions from Rebecca Perkins and Brian Roet are a good place to start: Develop your self-awareness. This is perhaps the most important and the most challenging. But fulfilling our potential and being successful really does start with a solid foundation. Knowing who you are, your strengths and what you want to achieve in life are some of the areas to explore and develop. There are endless ways of doing this and a number are covered in my book The Dynamic Introvert: Leading quietly with passion and purpose. Quit judging yourself: This is a difficult one. Is there anyone out there who doesn’t judge themselves? On the positive side judging oneself can lead to self-awareness but not if we only see the things we don’t do well or compare ourselves with others and end up feeling inadequate. If we were lucky to grow up in a family that accepted us and encouraged us even when we made mistakes, we are more likely to feel good about ourselves and less likely to judge ourselves harshly. Use your strengths: We all have different strengths. The trick is discovering the ones that are uniquely yours and then building on them. This relates to the first item on this list, “Develop your self-awareness”. Some people are fortunate to know what their strengths are early on in life for others this knowledge comes later. Sometimes we are steered in the wrong direction by well-meaning parents or teachers and end up working in jobs that aren’t the right “fit”. I once met a woman whose husband kept pushing their introverted son to join team sports, against the son’s wishes. She was concerned about her son’s wellbeing and was looking for information to give to her husband to help him understand their son’s introverted nature. Challenge yourself: Our confidence increases the more positive experiences we experience. If you are quiet and don’t feel confident in groups you may need to learn how to speak up in order to be heard. But be gentle with yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You are in this for the long term and your confidence will increase with each successful experience. I’ll leave you with this quote from Dr. Brian Roet, “Confidence helps you achieve your potential; achieving your potential helps your confidence.” – From The Confidence to Be Yourself.

How Do Introverts Learn to Lead?

By Lesley TaylorPosted on December 31, 2017Posted in IntrovertsTagged Introverts, Leadership, leadership development, Quiet, Susan Cain, The Dynamic Introvert, Toastmasters

How Do Introverts Learn to Lead? Are leaders born or can leadership be learned? This is an age old question and one that Sarah Wilson is exploring as part of her MBA research. Sarah, who lives in the UK, found my book The Dynamic Introvert online and contacted me to see if I would be interested in participating in her research. In 2012 when I began exploring the topic of leadership there wasn’t a lot research specifically devoted to introverted leaders. At that time author Jennifer Kahnweiler had published her book The Introverted Leader and authors and researchers Adam Grant, Francesca Gino and David Hofmann had published their research into the strengths of introverted leaders. Since then a handful of research projects have been written up in academic journals but none, as far as I know, have looked specifically at the question of how introverts learn to lead. Sarah is interested in the “lived experiences” of introverts and so she asked me to complete a timeline identifying the people and events that had the greatest influence on my career. And as I completed the timeline and looked back on my career there were a number of things that jumped out at me: I had a lot of really great mentors. Very early on in my career there were senior leaders who recognized the potential in me and pushed me to step into leadership positions that I wouldn’t have considered if it wasn’t for their support. I was a “lifelong learner” and took advantage of every opportunity to develop myself as a person and as a leader. Sometimes the courses were provided by my employers but more often than not I paid for them out of my own pocket because I recognized the need to develop my leadership skills. Teaching and helping others was also important to me and I took every opportunity I could to mentor and coach my colleagues as well as students and others who were interested in learning with me. So, how did I learn to lead? Like most of us I learned through a combination of experience and formal education. One of the things that stood out for me as I worked on my timeline was this. I am a humble, quiet leader and I’m happy to develop and promote others. And the fact that I was an introvert didn’t prevent others from noticing my strengths and seeing the potential in me. Over the years I was offered a number of key leadership positions including social work leader and co-leader of a geriatric medical clinic. Of course there were challenges along the way as well. Challenges that I believe other introverts face: I probably spent too much time spent thinking on my own when it may have been more beneficial to talk things through with a colleague or just move into action. I didn’t find my “voice” until I was in my 50’s and I credit Toastmasters for that. Up until then I was invisible in a lot of groups and despite having great ideas I didn’t always get them across to the people who could have helped me to develop and implement them. I asked Sarah why she had decided to focus on how introverts learn to lead for her research project. This is what she said, “I chose the subject as after reading Susan Cain’s 2012 book, Quiet I was inspired to research and learn more about how someone becomes a leader if they are an introvert. My job role currently involves supporting the leadership team in local government and I found it interesting that mostly extroverts are appointed into senior leadership positions. “ So, as we come to the end of 2017 I’d like you to reflect on how far introverts have come since Susan Cain’s 2012 blockbuster book opened the world’s eyes to the challenges that many introverts face. And as we welcome 2018 you might want to identify your own leadership development goals or if you are in a leadership position consider how you might mentor or coach an introvert who shows potential and would appreciate you help. Happy New Year! All the best for 2018!

Introverts Unite: Recognize and Celebrate Your Quiet Strengths

By Lesley TaylorPosted on November 26, 2016Posted in IntrovertsTagged Energy, Extrovert Ideal, Introverted Energy, Introverted Strengths, Introverts, Leadership, Quiet, Strengths, Susan Cain, The Dynamic Introvert

We all have them–strengths I mean. Unfortunately, introverts, especially those of us working in extroverted work environments may not value our strengths. In fact, we may focus more on our weaknesses, comparing ourselves to our more outgoing and energetic co-workers. It’s no wonder we act this way as we are encouraged from an early age to be more extroverted. This is what author Susan Cain describes as “the extrovert ideal”. She writes, “We live with a value system that I call The Extrovert Ideal—the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight.” Fortunately, in our fast-paced, hyper-active and unfocused world, there is a growing recognition that the strengths that introverts bring to the workplace are vital for the success of both individuals and the organizations that they work in. And as we learn to value our introverted strengths we can be role models for others. But first we may need to identify, develop, value and accept our quiet strengths. Each of us will have our own strengths but I’d like to share a few that I think are worth celebrating: Listening and engaging others which are important leadership skills Staying cool and calm under pressure Thinking first and talking later which usually leads to better decision-making Networking because we tend to listen and develop close relationships with people Sales because we listen and are able to develop relationships with a diverse group of people Conflict resolution…again because we are able to listen and allow space for others to solve their own problems So, how do we go about identifying our strengths? There are many different ways to do this depending on how much time and money we have. The cheapest may be just to ask yourself some questions and reflect on your answers: What energizes you? How can I do more of this? What do you value about who you are and what you do for others? What have you accomplished so far in life and how have you been able to this? And there are some brilliant on-line resources and tools such as the ones available from the Authentic Happiness website at the University of Pennsylvania which offers a free “short strengths survey”. Another way to identify your unique strengths is to ask other people so be prepared to listen to the positive things that people have to say about who you are and what you do best. Cheers!

Do You Suffer from Imposter Syndrome? You’re Not Alone!

By Lesley TaylorPosted on October 18, 2016Posted in IntrovertsTagged Dynamic Introverts, Imposter Syndrome, Marian Smith, Mindfulness Meditation, Pamela Catapia, Stephen Brookfield, The Dynamic Introvert

Do you suffer from imposter syndrome? Are introverts more likely to worry about how we are perceived by others? What is imposter syndrome anyway? These are some of the questions I’ve been pondering this week. The term first appeared on our radar in the 1970s. Imposter syndrome (IS) was described by Dr. Pauline R. Clance in reference to high-achieving individuals who were unable to recognize their accomplishments and had a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. The main symptoms appear to be anxiety or fear. Most of us feel self-doubt at some point in our careers. This is especially true when we first start out or have been recently promoted. But when this self-doubt continues for a protracted period of time it can have a negative impact on our health and our success in life. When I graduated from the University of British Columbia with my newly minted social work degree I felt like a fraud; I had virtually no experience and yet I was expected to help my clients deal with challenging life and death issues. Like many people who suffer from (IS) I felt that once I had more experience I would feel more confident. My “plan of attack” was to continually take work-related courses and work hard. But is this more of an issue for introverts? According to professor of adult education Stephen Brookfield, “introverts are less likely to admit to others that they are struggling and more likely to obsess or ruminate on their own.” On the plus side, Dr. Brookfield acknowledges that “Imposter Syndrome keeps us humble and aware of areas we need to improve on.” But aren’t most introverts already humble enough? Pamela Catapia, registered clinical counsellor agrees that there is a plus side to imposter syndrome, “If you have IS, you’re likely a caring conscientious, talented person who has both the desire and the capacity to improve the world.” Many of her clients have unrecognized or underutilized leadership skills. To summarize, it is ok to feel self-doubt and it is in fact normal. But if our self-doubt continues for a long period of time or interferes with our ability to do our work or to advance in our careers then we need to do something about it. One of the most effective methods of overcoming self-doubt is Mindfulness Meditation. According to Marian Smith, mindfulness teacher in Vancouver, self-compassion practices teach us how to: handle difficult emotions with greater ease motivate ourselves with kindness rather than criticism increase our emotional strength & resilience admit our shortcomings & forgive ourselves when needed relate wholeheartedly to others & be more authentically ourselves Mindfulness meditation is taught all over the world. If you live in the Vancouver area I highly recommend Marian Smith as a teacher.

The Mysterious Introvert

By Lesley TaylorPosted on June 2, 2016Posted in IntrovertsTagged Extroverts, leadership development, Personal Development for Introverts, The Dynamic Introvert, The Mysterious Introvert, Toastmasters

The Mysterious Introvert Do you know any introverts? We are the quiet ones. We prefer our own company. And we certainly don’t like public speaking? Or do we? Introverts are full of contradictions. We often confuse people and sometimes we even confuse ourselves. What is an introvert you ask? When I started writing my book The Dynamic Introvert I discovered how little I understood introversion and how little I knew myself. My Awakening! Let me give you an example, a few years ago I worked on a management team for a large non-profit organization. One Monday morning Susan, the head of the physiotherapy department, stopped and asked me how my weekend had been. I paused to consider her question and then instead of responding to her immediately I had a conversation with myself, in my HEAD: I thought, “should I tell her about the hike I went on yesterday? or should I tell her about the dinner party I organized on Saturday? Or? All of a sudden I noticed that her eyes had glazed over and she was walking away. The fact that she walked away struck me as odd but it wasn’t until I started doing research for my book that the light bulbs started going off!!! It’s no wonder people are confused. For decades it was believed that introverts were in the minority, at least in North America, and compared to extroverts, we were described as: withdrawn, boring, unsociable, shy, not high in confidence, and self-centred. Who was deliberately spreading this inaccurate information? Was there a conspiracy? Ever since psychiatrist Carl Jung introduced the personality traits of introversion and extroversion to the world, about 100 years ago, we’ve been told that extroverts comprise a whopping two-thirds of the population. So in order to be successful introverts have tried really hard to act like extroverts; it seemed as if extroverts got all the breaks: the best jobs, the promotions and other opportunities. But in reality there are as many introverts as extroverts. Self-Preservation 101: (the introverted brain) Another thing you should know is that introverts are easily aroused. All joking aside it doesn’t take much for us to become overstimulated. Our brains are wired differently from extrovert’s brains. We have more blood flow and electrical activity in the “neo cortex”. When this happens our brains may “shut down” and stop functioning. A few years ago I was at a Toastmasters Evaluation workshop. In the morning we listened to some great speakers and in the afternoon we broke into small groups. In my small group I was told that I would be summarizing our discussion and reporting back to the plenary session. That’s when my difficulties began. I didn’t know it at the time but my brain was highly aroused by all the activity and noise in the room and I quickly became overwhelmed. We were in a LARGE, NOISY room and it seemed as if everyone was talking at once. I tried to write down the comments that people were making so that I could summarize them but the more I tried to focus the more my brain BUZZED until eventually it shut down. At least that’s what it felt like! Later on when I was asked to report on our group’s discussion, my mind went blank, and I stumbled over my report. I was mortified. Looking back I now realize that I should have excused myself from the working group and found a quiet spot to THINK and process all of the information that I had taken in. The Mysterious Introvert To some people we are mysterious but to others we are downright annoying. It’s fairly easy to know who the extroverts are. They are the life of the party…the person with the lampshade on his or her head surrounded by a circle of laughing friends. In contrast, the introverts are lined up along the wall looking like they would rather be anywhere else. Or is it the opposite? In reality an introvert is not always easy to spot. We may, in fact, be the life of the party. Pass the lampshade please! Where we really get into trouble is in the workplace. We drive the extroverts crazy because in meetings we don’t say very much and they have to try to guess what we are thinking. The extroverts feel that we are unprepared or simply don’t have any opinions, so they dominate more; and the introverts stop trying. And they may even disappear…in plain sight. But it’s not completely our fault. Blame it on our brains. When we take in a lot of new information we need to think about it before we discuss it. Extroverts have the advantage here because they process information by talking about it. One solution is to raise our hands and wait to be recognized, which doesn’t always work. Another is to join Toastmasters and find our voices! Introverts of the world unite indeed!!! This post was adapted from a speech that I gave recently at my Toastmasters Club.

Are You Questioning the Status Quo

By Lesley TaylorPosted on January 12, 2016Posted in Introverts, LeadershipTagged Barry Posner, challenge the process, Introverts, James Kouzes, Leadership, Lesley Taylor, Lolly Daskal, Self-Coaching Questions for Introverts, The Dynamic Introvert, The Leadership Challenge

Are You Questioning the Status Quo? Perhaps one of the most crucial—and most difficult—aspects of being a leader is the need to continually question the status quo. Most of us don’t like constant change but we risk losing out on opportunities to grow if we refuse to consider alternatives. A few years ago a friend and fellow introvert told me he thought that questioning the status quo was difficult for introverts. Of course he was speaking from his own experience but I too have found myself afraid to speak up when the stakes were high. Looking back I realize that this was situational and that it was most difficult to for me to speak up when I was in in a management meeting and I was competing with other managers. Perhaps my voice was too quiet or I hadn’t yet “found my voice” or my confidence. Perhaps I didn’t feel safe in speaking up against decisions that were being made by people in more senior leadership positions. A recent review of an online thesaurus provided the following synonyms for challenging the status quo: cause trouble, complain, protest, disagree, make waves, etc. If these are the words that are reserved for people who do speak up then it’s no wonder that many of us prefer to keep quiet. Of course there were other situations when it was easier for me to challenge the process—when I was urging my own team to reach higher goals or develop new programs or services or when I was challenging myself to learn something new. I first came across the concept of challenging the status quo or process in The Leadership Challenge written by James Kouzes and Barry Posner. In their book the authors focus on two main areas: searching for opportunities and experimenting and taking risks. It can be risky to speak up but if you are fortunate to work in an organization that recognizes and rewards you for challenging the process your job will be that much easier. Change can evoke feelings of fear or powerlessness. But it is also a fact of life and leaders are in the business of helping people and organizations change successfully. What can we do to prepare ourselves and the people who work in our organizations? Start by preparing yourself. Answer the following questions and then discuss your answers with your boss or with a coach or colleague. STOP & REFLECT Why is challenging the process difficult? Is it more difficult for introverts than for extroverts? When have I challenged the process? Was I successful? What did I learn about myself? In what situations would I find it easy to challenge the process? In what situations would I find it difficult to challenge the process? How can I make it both safe and rewarding for others to speak up and suggest improvements or changes? Challenging the status quo is one of the most powerful skills that we can learn. I’d like to leave you with a quote from Lolly Daskal who reminds us: “Don’t challenge for challenge’s sake; learn from the experience.” The Dynamic Introvert!